I CAN MOONWALK!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
