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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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