I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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