Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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