Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
