I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
