Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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