Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
