I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
this beer tastes like vomit already
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
