I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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