I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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