Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
