is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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