I could have mohawked her pubes.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
