Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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