Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
