Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
two words...techno handjob
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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