talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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