I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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