Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Randomize
