apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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