Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
