Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
