Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
vagina is talking i cant
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
