I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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