My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Randomize
