If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Randomize
