Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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