why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
