Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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