Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
