Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
