I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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