this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
