Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
His nipple licking is glorious
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