ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
