She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
