And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
