Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
