so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
