Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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