she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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