first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
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