I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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