i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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