Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
