yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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