Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
