dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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