Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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