I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
