you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
