I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
