How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
