Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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