I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
